How to buy liquor at Jewel when you’re underage: A 9 step guide

  1. Go to Jewel, preferably during a busy time. Saturday afternoon works well.
  2. Walk to the liquor section. Select your favorite variety of beer, wine, or spirits.
  3. Go to the self checkout line.
  4. Wait for the Jewel employee in charge of the self checkout area to become distracted. This happens regularly.
  5. Scan the alcohol. The system will say that approval is needed.
  6. Approval is not needed. Swipe your credit card.
  7. The system will exit out of the “needs approval” screen and into the “choose your payment type” screen.
  8. Finish paying.
  9. Walk out.

I’m 90% certain the system works this way. I’ll try it again next time I’m at the grocery store. Have fun, teenagers.

All hail Ron Popeil!

The man made it an art form. Give him the respect he deserves.

Coke vs. Coke Zero ad

As a corporate sellout myself, I love these Coke vs. Coke Zero ads.

Not all of the lawyers in the ads are real lawyers, but this guy is. Can’t believe he came up with that “threatening letter” thing.

Chicago at night

Two recent images from Looper capture my mind’s eye image of Chicago at night:

(Original contexts here and here. Related: Chicago night flight, via my cameraphone.)

A website to find pickup basketball games

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: these internets need a site for pickup basketball.

There’s nothing right now. Nothing. Okay, there’s InfiniteHoops, but it’s not used much and it doesn’t have the right focus. There’s a page at wikiHow. Whatever. At a minimum, the site could be blend between a wiki and Google Maps. Add a page for a location or court, describe the level of play and when people play, and give it a location on a map.

Ultimately, the site could have…

  • Games searchable by skill level, times played, and specific areas (i.e. neighborhoods in urban areas)
  • Player bios and profiles
  • Rules and definitions
  • News and alerts for games in a particular neighborhood

This is a site that has to be done! It could be both a place to find a game and a place that covers the news of pickup ball on high-profile sites.

Someone, do this!

UPDATE: I found a decent article on courts in Chicago (where I live). Hope that helps someone.

Michael McFarlane Drive in Chicago?

Who is Michael McFarlane? And why does his name take over Berwyn Avenue for a few blocks?

michael mcfarlane dr

I don’t get it!

Oatstraw tea cures cancer

At least, I’m pretty sure it does. Some time ago, my friend was told by a homeopathically-inclined advisor that oatstraw tea would be a good thing for her. I started looking into it, and my god, this stuff makes you immortal. Among just three pages on oat straw, here are some of the conditions it can improve:

  • osteoporosis
  • arthritis
  • pain relief
  • hyperactivity in children
  • anxiety in elderly people
  • panic attacks
  • immune system deficiency
  • depression and nervous exhaustion
  • bed-wetting
  • skin disorders and boils
  • insomnia
  • kidney problems
  • bladder problems
  • gall bladder problems
  • gout
  • thyroid and estrogren deficiency
  • multiple sclerosis
  • anorexia
  • constipation
  • pancreatic problems

Just to clarify: This is tea.