Best of the Best —
Thank you for leaving the lug nuts from the stolen wheel in a neat pile next to the wheel drum.
It was quaint and really quite thoughtful, and I must say that having those lug nuts simplified matters for me today.
Remember our dear friend, Michele Weldon? Surely you must. She is the Patricia Ireland Chair of Oversensitivity Studies at Northwestern. In 2005 I reaped the rewards of her womynly wisdom. But recently, misogyny has once again reared its ugly head at that backwater institution, Northwestern University.
It all started relatively inconspicuously, as these things often do–but don’t let that fool you. Deeply ingrained societal inequities are often inconspicuous. That’s what makes them so insidious, and that’s why we appreciate Michele Weldon’s x-ray vision for sexism.
Tony Evans, a “humor” columnist for the Daily Northwestern wrote a column directed at the girl who sits next to him in discussion section. (Please note: I do not support the idea of “humor,” but I see fit to reference this patriarchal term because it is so deeply embedded in our societal norms that it is difficult to make reference to it in more objective terms.) Tony desired to have sexual (i.e. patriarchal) relations with the female and “[had] often wondered what it would be like to make sexual love to [her].” He went on to lament her rejection of his neanderthal advances.
Oh, and one minor thing: The girl in the column was imaginary. (But don’t let that fool you! It’s one of their tricks!)
We all know that the good Prof. Weldon likes to keep a tight rein on Northwestern’s unruly (and invisibly misogynistic) student body. Who can forget her lovable mothering of wayward Facebook users? Anyway, reading Evans’ column, Michele-with-one-”l” answered the Batphone and called Northwestern to order.
“This subtly insidious misogyny must be rooted out!” she cried, and gathered her Womyn Warriors to save the day. Among them was Elizabeth Keating, her sergeant at non-military-industrial-complex arms, and Weldon brought the lass beneath her womynly wings.
“Elizabeth,” she whispered, “you must defend the honor all womynkind! Go forth and write a column exposing the insidiously subtle misogyny at Northwestern University!”
And like a good non-patriarchal, non-militaristic solder-as-symbol, Elizabeth did.
[Tony Evans’ column] violates several clauses of Northwestern’s Policy on Sexual Harassment, including “unnecessary and unwelcome references to various parts of the body” and “inappropriate sexual innuendoes or humor.”
Michele looked upon the invocation of policy that would normally involve two sentient beings (but of course also applies to sexual harassment directed at womynkind in general) and said, “It is good.”
Had Evans’ column not been a parody and had the girl been a real student, it might have brought more pain into the life of this girl who did not ask to be written about.
The Professor looked upon the sentence describing hypothetical pain inflicted upon an imaginary person and said, “It is good.”
[The column’s] publication insults everything and everyone today’s leading ladies fight for, and so much more.
A tear came to Weldon’s eye and she patted young Keating non-sexually on the shoulder. “And so much more.”
I’ve also heard that our tireless crusader filed a complaint with Dean of Students Mary Desler about the column in the Daily. Unfortunately, due to the shadowy influence of Rush Limbaugh and the right-wing, Desler was unable to expel the despicable Evans. However, I am told that Desler dressed down a few Daily staffers over the phone. Bravo!
Thank you, Michele. We (the current and former male students of Northwestern University who were brought up in a patriarchal culture but understand the dehumanizing effect of our backwater notions on females everywhere) stand in awe.
Okay. The Pennsylvania/NJ Turnpike is one of the most important roads in the Northeast. So is Interstate 95. Here’s a looksie at them:
I needed to take I-95 to the Turnpike tonight. Have another looksie:
Yeah, that’s right: the motherfucking roads pass over one another! No exits! Who is responsible for this? What scum sucker at PDOT can I strangle for this? Unfuckingbelievable. The entire state of Pennsylvania should surrender its transportation budget to ME. I will gut the state of its disgusting infrastructure, rebuild the roads on a north/south/east/west gridline (no more of this Indian trails bullshit), and use the leftover money to tar-and-feather the former PDOT employees.
And by the way, I puttered around the Internet for a while and found some independent verification of what a shitshow the Pennsylvania roads are. Currently ranked second worst after Lousiana–it took a gargantuan goddamn natural disaster to knock the Keystone State off its perennial #1 perch. Oh, and here’s the “reason” the Turnpike and I-95 aren’t connected:
Originally, Pennsylvania wanted to route I-95 along the US 13 corridor, leaving the current one at Exit 40. New Jersey did not like this routing on the basis that it would overtax the four-lane Trenton Toll Bridge and Trenton Freeway. The states studied three alternatives for a crossing: Scudder Falls west of Trenton, the existing Trenton Toll Bridge, and Biles Island to the east of Trenton. The two states approved the Scudder Falls crossing in 1960 and the Bureau of Public Roads approved the new alignment of I-95 in 1964. This is why a direct connection between the Pennsylvania Turnpike and the Interstate was not constructed.
That made zero sense to me as well. On the “bright” side, they’re fixing this now and expect to be done in 2009 at a cost of $650 million, i.e. 2012 and $1 billion.
A couple of weeks ago, the irrepressible and overrated Seth Godin wrote 56 ways to get more traffic to your blog. Many were boring and unoriginal and many were contradictory. Seth’s legion of marketing fanboys went gah-gah over it, as he allowed comments on the post (oh joy!).
Well, I can do better. Here are 60 Ways to Get More Traffic to Your Blog. I don’t do all of these, and I don’t even advocate all of them. Some overlap with Seth’s list. Well, if the guy’s gonna post 57 ways, he’s bound to get something right. Some of these may bleed into how to have an interesting blog rather than a highly trafficked blog. Nothing wrong with that.
Dude. Duuuude. I just found the most awesome website. It’s all about ANIMAL FIGHTS!
You know a site is cool when it begins with this:
By far the most frequently asked question this site receives is: “In a fight between a lion and a tiger, who would win?”
As a consequence, I have spent a great deal of time researching this and talking with people whose careers studying Carnivora extend back some 25 years.
I mean, are you serious?! Hell yeah!