Who the fuck orders a shot of wheatgrass?
I went to Jamba Juice today after work. Yes, I realize this does little to help my street cred. Anyway, while waiting for my “Mango-a-Go-Go” to be made–and I cannot describe to you what shame I felt in ordering this drink by its full and fully retarded name–I was introduced to the “wheatgrass shot.” A guy in front of me had ordered it.
Now let me give you a bit of background. I’m actually pretty open-minded about the whole “natural foods” bit. I’ll buy organic–if it isn’t 3x the price of the normal item (i.e. sold at Whole Foods). I tried soy milk for a couple of weeks. I can understand the vegetarian thing.
But wheatgrass? I don’t care what the health benefits are. I don’t care how good it makes you feel afterward. My friends, wheatgrass is grass. And a shot of wheatgrass, my friends, is a shot of grass. Yes, grass.
This is what I’d like you to do. Mow your lawn, or mow someone else’s lawn if you live in an apartment like me, and collect the fresh grass clippings after you’re done. Take them home and put the clippings in a blender. Add a bit of water. Blend. Pour the resulting brew through a strainer, and into a plastic shotglass normally used for hawking jello shots at McGee’s.
You have recreated the Jamba Juice wheatgrass shot.
I’m having a hard time conveying just how fucking ridiculous this is.
In order for me to have this shot o’ wheatgrass experience, the following conditions were met:
- Someone wondered whether wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone did a study, maybe.
- Someone decided that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone decided that people would believe that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone promoted wheatgrass and got people to believe that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone figured out how wheatgrass could be affordably grown and harvested.
- Jamba Juice decided that wheatgrass if good for you and/or decided that Jamba Juice’s customers do believe or would believe that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Jamba Juice contacted the person who had figured out how wheatgrass could be affordably grown and harvested and bought wheatgrass from him.
- Jamba Juice had the wheatgrass shipped to their store on N. Michigan Ave.
- Some yuppie believed that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Some yuppie was aware that Jamba Juice was offering shots o’ wheatgrass.
- Some yuppie decided that he wanted to have a shot o’ wheatgrass and was willing to walk to Jamba Juice to get it and was willing to pay $2 for that shot ‘o wheatgrass.
- Some yuppie did that.
- Some yuppie got to the Jamba Juice a little bit before me, ordered, and received his shot o’ wheatgrass while I was waiting for my Mango-a-Go-Go to be made.
I swear to god it smells like a lawnmower. Modern American life has a new nadir. Have a good day.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm
*applause*
organic hippies are no less sheep than their SUV driving soccermom counterparts.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Apparently, the proteins in wheat grass are good for preventing ice recrystallization in ice cream (Regand A, Goff HD. Ice recrystallization inhibition in ice cream as affected by ice structuring proteins from winter wheat grass. J Dairy Sci. 2006 Jan;89(1):49-57.). Also shown to be helpful in the treatment of active distal ulcerative colitis (Ben-Arye E, Goldin E, Wengrower D, Stamper A, Kohn R, Berry E. Wheat grass juice in the treatment of active distal ulcerative colitis: a randomized double-blind placebo-controlled trial. Scand J Gastroenterol. 2002 Apr;37(4):444-9.) . I definitely have too much time on my hands. :)
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Wheatgrass is closely related to wheat.
“Wheatgrass is a young plant of the genus Agropyron, (especially Agropyron cristatum, a relative of wheat).”
“Wheatgrass, whether in juice or dehydrated whole leaf form, provides chlorophyll, amino acids, minerals, vitamins, and enzymes.”
You should get hungover and then drink wheatgrass. You will see how quickly you can recover.
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Steve, it’d be too late. I’d have to still be drunk to order it.
July 8th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Wheatgrass is not the grass you mow on the lawn. It is in fact cereal i.e. wheat, barley, oats, rye (not ryegrass) What you should be juicing is the first growth that comes from the seed it is a single green shoot. The plant puts all its energy from the seed into this one leaf there is no stem it’s just all green leaf and it needs to grow has fast has it can so it stands a better chance of survival. So it pulls all the energy it can from the seed and from the light of the sun. at no time in the plant life will it again grow so fast and be so tender. If the solar tubers on your roof were half has good has this young plant at turning the sunshine into growing power then our energy problems would end tomorrow. I have a lot more things about wheatgrass that I’ve learned from years of growing and using it. It’s only now that I’m starting to put what I know has a farmer into words. So you I don’t just talk the talk I walk the walk too. One more thing it really wouldn’t bother me tomorrow if you all stopped spending your money on shots of wheatgrass and smoothies. Then spent the same money on fresh fruit and vegetables. They are do you far more good. I can drink an apple juice in on go but it takes me all morning to eat 6 apples and half the price. Right I’m off to water the wheatgrass and know dowt I’ll be chewing and mouth full or two.
July 8th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Sorry for the spelling by the way!!
July 17th, 2007 at 8:52 am
Don’t even pay attention to the so-called “facts” above, Tom. It’s disgusting to look at and it tastes like a camel’s ass. There’s nothing wrong with getting all your nutrition from Mango-a-Go-Gos and beef jerky, lord knows I do and I’m a veritable Adonis!
October 30th, 2007 at 10:02 am
Actually the ORP of wheatgrass is -180. That makes it one of the most potent natural sources of reducing (spare electrons.) Toxins are electron deficient. They go around looking to grab electrons from wherever they can, often healthy tissue membranes (oxidation). That’s why they are toxins. The ORP of most fruits and veggies are much higher +200, and are weaker in their reducing potential. The spare electrons in WGJ render toxins harmless.
November 25th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Forget Wheat Grass, can you believe in Japan they eat raw fish! In some parts of the world they eat “Cheese Cake”, my god a cake made out of cheese!!! And in France they eat Garlic Bread of all things, has the world gone mad!!! The fact is my friend until you try these things you really can’t have an informed opinion, looking at something and saying “yuck” is what a child does, your mind sounds pretty closed to new things and if that’s the way you are then you might miss out on something really good in your life.
I’ve tried Wheat grass on many occasions and it’s right that it does smell and taste a bit rough at first, but didn’t alcohol when you took your first sip? I was willing to forgive the taste and smell of Wheat Grass if the health benefits were worth it and guess what they were! I won’t go into details but my girlfriend can tell when I’ve been drinking it from our nocturnal activities even when I’ve not told her, now if that’s not a ringing endorsement I don’t know what is!!! The only reason I don’t drink it all the time is that it’s rather pricey.
November 29th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Awesome post. I’m sure there are benefits to me sucking on tree bark but I’m not about to do that either. I’ve looked at those little squares of growing wheat grass and wondered… was the gardener doing one of the buyers at Jamba Juice or what? Who’s gonna buy a “plot” of wheat grass to take home? Well, maybe someone’s cat would dig it. What you do put on your apron embroidered with “grass sleigher” on the front and get the scissors out and count the blades you put in your juicer? Just think how many idiots believe that grass you can buy “still in the soil” is fresh. It’s probably made in China and has more chemicals on it than the average movie star’s hair.
Chris
November 29th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
PS. Here in N. CA, those flats of growing wheat grass are equal in size to many people’s front lawns so why would you want to drink it? If we had any sort of real estate market I’m sure they’d be worth $10K and available for time shares.
January 23rd, 2008 at 4:58 am
you can buy organic wheat grass seeds online or at a health food store and grow the wheatgrass yourself, at home. If ur so skeptical about pesticides and other chemicals - just grow it and juice it urself! You cynics need to spend less time braiding the hair on ur balls and more time doing some real research.
February 4th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Yes, sorry folks, wheat grass is completely different from lawn grass. Duh! Why else would it need to be grown in Azomite. Open a book on it for god sake, I beg you Tom. People don’t let ignorant folk such as Tom lead you astray with their lazy small brains. I am a bioligist with a nutritionist degree, and I personally have seen the line up of good stuff inside wheat grass that I have personally broken down. Tom, you really are good at wasting our time.
And no, I’m not affiliated with wheat grass on any level, god people with small minds and big mouths piss me off.
February 4th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
One last thing if you don’t beleive me Tom, take a handful of lawn grass to Jamba Juice, and get them to juice it for you. Drink it, I dare you. You’ll notice quite a difference. Hehe, don’t say I didn’t warn you. By the way I am not responsible for what happens. Keep some Pepto bismal close at hand….just sayin’.
February 10th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Wow,
I just started this week with wheat grass and I know somthing good is going on but I can’t put my finger on it.
Good Post, Get folks involved.
March 15th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I just started juicing and drinking wheat grass the beginning of Feb. about 65 weeks ago. Yes, it tastes like a freshly mowed lawn! I buy flats from an organic food store with a rep to protect, a long time San Diego Co-op. nutrition and organic foot store. I got on it to lose weight…but also had to change diet…said the live in life coach directing me for a month. She has been gone a week and I have learned tons…and strangely enough, what has stuck since she has been gone, this first week anyway, is I am still juicing and drinking a flat of wheat grass a week. We shared the flat while she was here, now I drink four ounces or more a day and can tell it it DOING SOMETHING! I did lose 25 pounds last month and have gained back 5….but leveling off. My skin looks better, I am more energetic, and won’t stop drinking it. It takes me about an hour to juice a flat and get about 32 ounces of juice. It is not blended and strainded as someone above said…it is juiced in a wheat grass juicer, which takes a little time even with an electric one….I’m NEWat this and would enjoy hearing the benefits others have enjoyed drinking wheatgrass!
March 15th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I freeze the wheat grass in little 2 ounce clear plastic containers with lids…like the ones you put condiments in at a condiment bar…they freeze nicely and I thaw out two a day in the fridge….
March 27th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Thanks for the tip Mr. Sherman, but I think I’d prefer a wheat grass shot that wasn’t fertilized with NYC’s cat and dog poop ;-)
April 14th, 2008 at 11:36 am
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May 21st, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Someone wondered whether wheatgrass is good for you.
Anne Wigmore created the wheatgrass diet, and she was sued twice by the attorney general of massachusetts. Once for saying that wheatgrass could replace insulin for diabetics, and another time for saying that it could cure AIDS.
Someone did a study, maybe.
The one study referenced here is pretty weak. It had a sample size of 19 individuals, and the wild claims of wheatgrass proponents far outweight the results of the study.
Someone decided that wheatgrass is good for you.
It won’t kill you.
Someone decided that people would believe that wheatgrass is good for you.
Not only that wheatgrass is good for you, but that it purifies the blood, is full of vitamins, kills bacteria, and that chlorophyl is nutritious- all of which is nonsense.
Jamba Juice had the wheatgrass shipped to their store on N. Michigan Ave.
I used to work across the street from this store at The Oaktree in the Bloomingdale’s mall. One of the waitstaff, a portly x-monk who happened to be gay, would go to Jamba Juice every day after his shift and drink a shot of wheatgrass. The image of this guy drinking his daily shot of grass still cracks me up.
June 18th, 2008 at 9:54 am
adam, your an idiot, I cant even believe you wrote so much about something you know nothing about. waste of your time, my time and I think you should do your reasearch before discredit something you know nothing about. Loser
July 29th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Besides the fact that I manage a juice bar that sells it, and besides the fact that I have a B.S. in Biochem, and besides the fact that I feel great when I drink it, may I just say that when a man drinks it his emissions are much more palatable. I’m just saying…
August 1st, 2008 at 1:33 pm
okayy.
so wheat grass taste like grass and is pretty gross. but its a tiny amount of it, you pussy.
you can eat a bloody cow and not be grossed out?
i prefer taking a shot of wheat grass than eating that. and there is plenty proof and research about the healthy effects of wheat grass.
soo read a damnnn book.