Best baseball player first name
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Who the fuck orders a shot of wheatgrass?
I went to Jamba Juice today after work. Yes, I realize this does little to help my street cred. Anyway, while waiting for my “Mango-a-Go-Go” to be made–and I cannot describe to you what shame I felt in ordering this drink by its full and fully retarded name–I was introduced to the “wheatgrass shot.” A guy in front of me had ordered it.
Now let me give you a bit of background. I’m actually pretty open-minded about the whole “natural foods” bit. I’ll buy organic–if it isn’t 3x the price of the normal item (i.e. sold at Whole Foods). I tried soy milk for a couple of weeks. I can understand the vegetarian thing.
But wheatgrass? I don’t care what the health benefits are. I don’t care how good it makes you feel afterward. My friends, wheatgrass is grass. And a shot of wheatgrass, my friends, is a shot of grass. Yes, grass.
This is what I’d like you to do. Mow your lawn, or mow someone else’s lawn if you live in an apartment like me, and collect the fresh grass clippings after you’re done. Take them home and put the clippings in a blender. Add a bit of water. Blend. Pour the resulting brew through a strainer, and into a plastic shotglass normally used for hawking jello shots at McGee’s.
You have recreated the Jamba Juice wheatgrass shot.
I’m having a hard time conveying just how fucking ridiculous this is.
In order for me to have this shot o’ wheatgrass experience, the following conditions were met:
- Someone wondered whether wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone did a study, maybe.
- Someone decided that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone decided that people would believe that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone promoted wheatgrass and got people to believe that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Someone figured out how wheatgrass could be affordably grown and harvested.
- Jamba Juice decided that wheatgrass if good for you and/or decided that Jamba Juice’s customers do believe or would believe that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Jamba Juice contacted the person who had figured out how wheatgrass could be affordably grown and harvested and bought wheatgrass from him.
- Jamba Juice had the wheatgrass shipped to their store on N. Michigan Ave.
- Some yuppie believed that wheatgrass is good for you.
- Some yuppie was aware that Jamba Juice was offering shots o’ wheatgrass.
- Some yuppie decided that he wanted to have a shot o’ wheatgrass and was willing to walk to Jamba Juice to get it and was willing to pay $2 for that shot ‘o wheatgrass.
- Some yuppie did that.
- Some yuppie got to the Jamba Juice a little bit before me, ordered, and received his shot o’ wheatgrass while I was waiting for my Mango-a-Go-Go to be made.
I swear to god it smells like a lawnmower. Modern American life has a new nadir. Have a good day.
25% of my life
I’ve noticed quite a few anniversaries and birthdays lately. Not sure what it is about May. Anyway, it made me think about how long I’ve been publishing this blog. It’s been over 6 years. And here’s the scarier part:
I’ve published this blog for nearly 25% of my life.
That’s strange, and a little scary, and a little depressing.
Costa Rica trip
I’m back, and it was lovely. My friend Ian turned 30, and we went to Playas del Coco for a week to celebrate. I’m way too lazy to give a detailed account, so I suggest you just peruse the pictures–they turned out well. Ka Wai also took some good pictures (especially the classic of the group all mudded-up at Hotel Borinquen).
A few key points I have to pass along:
- Casa Holmes is stunning, and if you’ll be near Playas del Coco, you should look into staying there.
- It takes forever to drive places in Costa Rica. If you think it’ll be 35 minutes, it’ll end up taking 90. If they say the roads are bad, they really mean it.
- Costa Rica–at least Guanacaste–is not particularly cheap. Expect to pay near U.S. prices.
- The money (dollars), electricity (American-style, 60 Hz), and location (3.5 hour flight from DFW) make it very convenient. And I love convenience.
- And some quickie recommendations:
- Hotel Borinquen is absolutely gorgeous. I highly recommend it. The spa treatment built around the volcanic springs is fantastically relaxing (and cheap, only $20).
- In Guanacaste (northwest Costa Rica), one of the prettier and least-touristy beaches is Playa Ocotal.
- Last but not least, drink lots of water. It’s easy to get dehydrated, and then you feel like crap.
A video of the beach at Parque Nacional Santa Rosa. (This is near the famous Witch’s Rock.)
And again, the pictures.