I’m back to bitch some more. Big surprise.
Chase Bank still blows. They sold my info to every other fucking bank on the planet, filling my mailbox with 4 or 5 credit card offers a week. Finally I wised up and opted out; you can do the same by using the 800 number or online opt-out.
But now Chase has found alternative ways to blow. I lost my credit card, canceled it, and got a new one in the mail. To activate it, I called the 800 number. I expected to be prompted for my card number, and by virtue of calling from the number associated with the account, the card would be immediately activated. Instead, the female computer voice on the other end of the line fed me a bunch of bullshit.
First, I got a “welcome” message. The welcome should have been, “You have reached the Chase Bank credit card activation line. Input your card number to activate the card.”
Instead, the computer bitch informed me that I could use my Chase Visa at thousands of locations, including gas stations and grocery stores, to earn Chase Rewards points. This sorry-ass pitch went on for at least 30 seconds, during which I began to yell obscenities into the phone. Do you think I don’t know how to use a fucking credit card? That’s why I’m getting a replacement, you fucks! Because I already use the card!
After that shit show, we finally got on the road with the card input. Again, I expected to input my card number and get an immediate activation. (I’ve lost my card before and that’s how it works.) So I put in the number and waited. Now here’s what needs to happen on the other end of the line:
- System receives input (from me) of card number.
- System verifies caller ID number against the phone number on my account.
- System changes status of card from inactive to active.
- System verifies and hangs up.
Instead, the bitch-ass system lied to me. The computer bitch told me, “We are still activating your card. In the meantime, we’d like to tell you about a service from Trilegiant that can help protect your credit rating.” And that shit went on and on, lasting at least 45 seconds.
Are you fucking kidding me? I gave you my account number, and you’re telling me that the fucking 486 you’ve got back there running the system is “still activating my card?” How long does that take? You’re gonna try to sell me some credit report bullshit in the meantime? Are you for fucking real? Why don’t you put Peter Francis Geraci on the line, you fucks?
Umbrella Bank is sounding better and better.
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