Thumbs up, fuck you!
I went to the grocery store tonight. Exiting the parking lot, I turned right and prepared for an immediate left, although a few cars were oncoming. Evidently the person behind me was really unhappy about having to wait 3 seconds for me to be able to turn left, so he tried to pass me on the right. He couldn’t. He honked at me. I gave him the finger.
The fella who was so impatient to get around me miraculously found the time to then follow me down a side street. He pumped up the brights on his ricer, and let me tell you, that was an excruciating 300 yards. Have you ever driven in front of a car with its brights on? The horror! I felt as if my life was about to end!
Then I whipped out the patented Tom Sherman Fuck You. No, not the finger. The thumbs up.
The middle finger
Giving someone the finger is extremely overrated. First of all, it’s unoriginal. But worse than that, all it says is “fuck you.” What’s the fun in that?
A simple “fuck you” simply does not do an adequate job of pissing someone off. This is 2006! The middle finger? Totally passé!
The thumbs up
The patented Tom Sherman Fuck You©. The thumbs up not only says “fuck you,” it says
You must be really pissed, eh champ? Let’s see how I can help you. Hmm… can I give a shit? Nope, can’t help you there. I just don’t care about you, try as I might. Wait, wait: something is happening! I do care, because your anger and frustration makes me happy. I am getting physical pleasure from your angry gestures and threatening in-car shouting. It is the soft caress of a tropical breeze. Mm, yes. I’m on the beach. Tropical breeze.
Well hey, I’d love to stick around and chat, but I’ve got to get going. Oh, and before I forget: fuck you. xoxoxo
I must also emphasize how vital it is to master the facial expression accompanying the thumbs up. It cannot be merely glib or surprised or condescending. Nay, you must capture the essence of “Hey buddy, hey buddy, somethin’ wrong there buddy? Aw, chin up!” with your expression. And that kid in the lifejacket nailed it.
December 7th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
I love it thomas! I do the same exact thing, and it pisses people off way more than the finger. It’s like laughing right in said asshole’s face when he’s trying to be serious or mad. A good army salute is nice too, with a smirk on. It’s like, “way to take it far too seriously, sarge!”
December 7th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
I’ll have a similar picture soon enough. But excellent idea. I’ll need to use it.
December 7th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
Next time I see you, I’m giving you a thumbs up.
December 11th, 2006 at 4:25 am
I’m pretty sure this is the best piece of advice anyone could ever be told. Ever.