Segwayjacking
I am not a violent person. I would never hijack a plane, for example. And you know, I’d probably never carjack someone, either.
But let me tell you something: I just might Segwayjack a sucka.
On Wednesday, I saw some corporate asshole (all Segway owners are guaranteed assholes) riding around on his Segway in the Loop. It wasn’t a cop — the cops have taken to this George Jetson crap like fish to water — but some executive type. And the first thing I thought of when I saw this guy was: “Man, do I ever want to clothesline that asshole and steal his Segway.”
I guess the problem with Segwayjacking, though, is that it’s probably pretty easy to keep track of them. I mean, how many of them are in the city of Chicago? 12? They probably have a formal registry… all the Segways in Chicago recorded on the back of a cocktail napkin from Gibsons.
October 6th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
I’m sure that stealing someone’s Segway is a rewarding practice. I’m with you; I’d do it.
But once you have it, then what? You don’t want to ride around on it and look like some asshole. Your friends won’t want it. You probably can’t take it to the pawn shop or fence it.
October 9th, 2006 at 2:36 pm
If you take it, you’ll have a Segway, and therefore be an asshole yourself. That would be bad.
However, at least you could get around places without doing anything but being lazy.
A few days ago I saw a Segway with monster wheels.
October 13th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
I think you should segwayjack the girl in the photo.
October 17th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Nice job with the blog, tom. It’s been a while. Anyway, I think the public bystanders would probably assist you in your segwayjacking. I know I sure would. After that, I say you ride that thing around naked…take that, corporate deushers! If not that, then dress/smell like a bum and take it around the city. See how people respond to a bum on a segway.