Laurence Holmes: Chicago radio’s Napoleon Nobody
Laurence Holmes—some mistake his name as “Lawrence Holmes”—is one of the lower-level hosts on 670 The Score in Chicago, the area’s #2 sports radio station. He’s not a big name. In fact, all of the substantive information I found on the guy came from a blog, the excellent Chicago Media Monitor.
Nevertheless, this guy qualifies as a jackass extraordinaire in my book. He’s right up there with Jim Rome, but no one knows who the hell Holmes is.
His strategy on the radio is pretty simple. It basically follows this for the duration of his shows:
1. Take a call
2. Hurry the caller, ostensibly to make him get to the point
3a. Catch a small flaw in the caller’s comments, such as someone’s name being wrong, then cut the caller off
3b. Disagree with the call, cut him off, and go on a rant
4. Hang up on him
5. Say what an idiot the caller was
Now you could say anyone who calls up is a glutton for punishment, since Holmes is (a) an assclown, and (b) basically unknown in the city of Chicago. I have to kind of agree with that. Still, I think it’s important to point out that Laurence Holmes never has the balls to argue with callers because he’s fundamentally afraid he’ll lose. He has to have control of the switchboard. He’s clearly got a Napoleon complex, and judging by his photo, the analogy may very well be a literal description.
Example: A guy calls in tonight, complaining about the Cubs and complaining specifically about Corey Patterson. (Much to the delight of Cubs fans who have been calling for his head on a platter for months, Patterson’s in the minors these days.) The caller is mad that the Cubs pitching coach never taught Corey how to take a pitch. He says the name of the previous batting coach, not the current one.
Scenario 3a above is met. Laurence “Napoleon Nobody” Holmes cuts the caller off. OMFG, he said the wrong name for the hitting coach!
Who the hell cares who the Cubs batting coach is? That’s not the point. The point is that Corey Patterson, a major league player, couldn’t take a pitch. If Larry Holmes is too dumb to figure this out, maybe he’ll get here and learn.
But hey, maybe it’s just me. I’m sure you’ve got lots of fans in Chicago, Larry. They really do love you. Right?
November 13th, 2005 at 8:23 pm
I wonder if Laurence will discuss how the Bears were going to trounce the opposition Sunday?
January 9th, 2006 at 2:06 am
Whoever wrote Laurence Holmes: Chicago radio’s Napoleon Nobody is an idiot. Laurence’s work with the Bears is second to none. And most of the callers to the show are inferior in sports knowledge and don’t know what they are talking about. How would you like it if somewhat started telling you about your job, and they were completely wrong. These guys have to deal with this all day. Cut him some slack and actually listen to his show. You might even be enlighten
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:58 pm
ur a fag laurance holmes kicks ass!The score is the number 1 radiostation in the world!so y dont u you go fuck both ur gay fag ass dads noob!
April 5th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Whoever wrote this stupid little article,
“Laurence Holmes: Chicago radio’s Napoleon Nobody,” must be some sort of retard.
I listen to Laurence Holmes’ show regularly and haven’t observed any of the nonsense he is talking about.
Get a life, you JERK!
April 5th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
Whoever wrote this stupid little article,
“Laurence Holmes: Chicago radio’s Napoleon Nobody,” must be some sort of retard.
I listen to Laurence Holmes’ show regularly and haven’t observed any of the nonsense he is talking about.
Get a life, you JERK!
April 16th, 2006 at 9:20 pm
Laurence is an idiot. I cant stand his banter. And ESPN 1000 is a million times better than the score. Sad to see the Sox leave and go to the gay side.
June 19th, 2006 at 10:48 am
I agree that Laurence Holmes is a “Nobody”. This guy will rant and rave with total nonsense. Why anyone would listen to the score when he is on is beyond me. I have better things to do like clean out my closet or find matching shoe laces for an old pair on sneakers.
Holmes sucks
July 26th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
I disagree, L.H. is a rising star behind the mike,I just hope one day L.H. replaces fred hubner.
November 2nd, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Holmes basically said yesterday that there are NO bad opponents in the NFL. Uhh… what? This was in reply to the fact that the Bears have not played ANYONE yet at week 8 in ‘06. OK Larry, if there are no bad teams in the NFL then why are there good teams and mediocre teams?? By your logic, the Bears could get easily torched by a San Francisco or Detroit. Oh I know….you don’t remember saying that…of course. I hope the Bears get the rude awakening their boasting fans deserve.
November 3rd, 2006 at 8:42 am
I am a fan of The Score and Laurence Holmes, and I have called the various shows he has hosted no fewer than two dozen times. Laurence has never rushed my comment or question, has never prematurely hung up on me to avoid argument, and has patiently discussed several issues about which we disagreed.
What’s more, I do not believe that my experience is unique. I believe that Laurence is one of the Score hosts who is interested in maintaining the active interest of his audience, occasionally at the expense of a caller whose comment or question is irrelevant, erroneous, or just plain stupid.
November 30th, 2006 at 9:40 pm
Your arguments regarding Laurence are not based on one iota of fact. Oh, by the way, are you a big name in Chicago? Who are you to make these claims?
December 1st, 2006 at 2:16 am
Yes, in fact, I AM a big name in Chicago. Where have you been?
April 17th, 2008 at 3:10 am
I have a problem with you Mr. Holmes. I heared your syco bable today on the Mulley and whatever show. You justified Sorianos actions because he is a “star”. This does not suprise me, coming from an entitled prick like yourself. The Fucking “me show”, are you KIDDING ME!!!! YOU’RE A PUNK!!!
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:07 pm
larry is an asshole, me .me .me anyone that sides with this book read sports wanna be is an ass just like him, called him larry ,said my name is lawrence,whatta ya gonna do hit me with your purse.i never heard so many i’s this or i said this on any radio show in my life,larry get a grip, you are a wanna be that thinks he’s white.tired of the ME SHOW,tells us what you are.grow up.
July 21st, 2008 at 9:32 am
holmes is the worst that this god awfull statoin has to have and if you think he is good you have no opoin your self WAY WAY to over opoiniated
July 21st, 2008 at 9:41 am
my favorite moment was listening to him sing alcia keys ha ha my friend texted him to call him gay and he text back to argue with him and after 2 messages that guy got left stupid funny funny stuff next story he hung up on a caller to act like a ass clown after words (the caller had just complimented him)