jotsheet

You just can’t make this kind of stuff up.

In a strange-but-true marriage of pop psychology, the Blue State Bubble Factor, the Bush is Hitler Factor, the Left’s distaste for religion, and, uh, hypnosis, we in the sane 51 percent of America can revel in something new to laugh at: Post Election Selection Trauma (PEST).

Yep, it seems that Dems are not merely sore losers, they’re depressed losers. And they’re not merely depressed losers, they’re losers with a new form of depression. Because, you see, George W. Bush is so conservative, so villainous, so heinous, so evil, existing categories of trauma cannot capture the shock to Democrats of losing the 2004 election. It’s new and it’s unbearable. And thus we have PEST. Gorgeous.

For whatever reason, PEST seems to have struck especially hard in the blue collar community of Boca Raton, FL, where lunch pail factory workers pinned their hopes on the failed campaign of John Kerry. Thanks to the quick work of the nonprofit American Health Association, these American heroes’ depression will not go untreated, however. In fact, there are already reports of successful PEST treatments!

A post-therapy John Kerry supporter spoke out about her trauma treatment for the first time this weekend, saying Florida psychologist Douglas Schooler took her from the depths of despair over President Bush’s victory to a new lease on life. She’s now at peace and able to drive her pink Hummer H2 and sleep soundly in her bungalow.

Forty-four year old Karen of Boca Raton, a divorced mother of one who didn’t want her last name in print because she fears “Ashcroft’s fist,” called the trauma specialist’s intensive election therapy “profoundly effective” and described his hypnosis technique as “a healing process.”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Karen told the Boca Raton News in an interview, “and I’d only been to the club twice in a week. I was very devastated and very astonished that people would re-elect this president. I was moody about the war and economic issues and ponchos. I felt very unsettled and fearful. I thought, ‘Oh no, what will happen for four years?’”

Ahem. I might have edited that slightly.

Well folks, keep those Boca Raton Democrats in your thoughts tonight. Pour out a forty for ‘em. It’s gonna be a long four years for the Left without the Gravedigger in office.

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