Philadelphia cried, and I laughed
Karma’s a motherfucker, ain’t it?
The Philadelphia Eagles reach the NFC Championship for the third year in a row—the second consecutive at home—and choke. Again. Er, again again, I mean. Third time’s a charm? No, “charm” and Philly sports fans should never be mentioned together (nor should “class,” “cleanliness,” or “winning”).
Why do I care? Because I looove watching Philly lose. I love seeing the pain in the eyes of the loserly Philly fans. I love knowing that no matter how boorish their behavior, only one important thing remains when all is said and done: Philadelphia sports are loser sports. The city has not won a championship since 1983. Let that sink in. The 5th-largest city in America has been full of LOSERS for over 20 years! How pathetic is that?
Answer: Really pathetic. If Philly fans were loud and boorish and intimidating—and their teams won—maybe, as a rational human being, I could accept them. But to have that attitude when your players are the biggest choke artists this side of Doug Christie? Nah.
So am I rubbing salt in the wounds of Eagles following their ignominious loss to the Carolina Panthers, a team that a scant two years ago was 1-15? Yes. You’d better damn well believe I am. And I loved watching the Phillies choke in September. And I’ve loved watching the 76ers’ inept excuse for an offense (pass to Iverson! pass to Iverson!) choke in the playoffs year after year after year.
Cry your eyes out, Philadelphia. Cry your eyes out, because A.I. can’t shoot, McNabb is overrated, you wish you still had John Kruk, and hockey blows.
Oh, and because I truly am a jerk, here’s a nice sampling of my Philly friends’ postgame away messages. Save the bitterness. Love the bitterness.
- “watching smallville episodes to take my mind of something. this f’ing sucks”
- “too angry”
- “i quit”
- “I’m not even that pissed off right now. I wanted the Eags to win, but really, the post-game depression isn’t as bad this year. I’m already focused on next year, the draft, the free agents we need and the fact that the Eags will STILL have a solid nucleus of players on their roster in the 2004-5 season. I love the Eagles. I hate when they lose.”
- “well that was a whole lot of suck”
November 13th, 2004 at 12:38 pm
at least they have what it takes to compete every year dude. you cant win the championship every year too
April 28th, 2005 at 10:16 am
You know what the funny thing is buddy? We love all the negative press we get from you no life having idiot who cant do anything but complain about how bad the Philly fans are or how Philly never wins anything and bla bla bla. We like being called the craziest fans and we like the fact that punks like you are to scared to come to our city and watch a game but I guess the next best thing is to write a little column and bad mouth people who would toss you off of the 700 level. Good hate us and please dont ever come to a game we dont need you we sell every seat in the house without you outsiders attending games and you know what were proud of that. Another thing who the hell is your team I heard no mention of who you like to watch but I guess you just like to hate Philly teams which is cool. Yeah we lost 3 straight NFC championships and than we won one and than lost the Super Bowl which is cool because unlike most of the band waggon jumping cities in the U.S. we just love watching our teams and it dosent matter what our record is and you can call it what you want but here in Philly we call that being real.
May 10th, 2005 at 9:43 pm
I like all the articles about Philly.If you get any philly dirtbags send them to our site at www.phillyteamsblow.com
If you ever want to submit an article we will be glad to put it on our site. If you could give us a link i would also appreciate it.
June 30th, 2005 at 9:33 pm
You should really get a real job cuz making up sh!t like this is just slessly bullsh!t
December 15th, 2005 at 8:11 pm
LMAO I LOVE YOU! I PRINTED THIS OUT AND RUBBED IT IN EVERY PHILLY FAN. I LOVE IT. THANKS A LOT MAN. GO NEW YORK!
March 12th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
We Dem Eagles Fans…Fuck New York! Bandwagon Bitches! Stay with one damn team! Maybe we will have a little challenge if anybody chose a team..but when you are a philly fan, you stay a philly fan…so fuck off! Good Record or Bad Record…We the best in spirit and strength…excuse the language but you guys piss me off!
May 21st, 2006 at 7:48 pm
AT LEAST OUR TEAMS MAKE IT TO ALL THE PLAYOFFS… EVERYONE WHO MAKES FUN OF PHILLY TEAMS AND FANS ARE JUST MAD CAUSE THERE THE ONES WHO SUCK……
I DON’T CARE IF I GET HATEMAIL OR LAUGHED AT BUT AT LEAST HERE IN PHILLY PEOPLE HAVE COMMON SENSE
OH AND SINCE IT SAYS YOU HAVE TO APPROVE MY MESSAGE IF U DON’T IT JUST BECAUSE UR SCARED
IF U DELETE IT, IT’S CAUSE AS I SAID BEFORE U MAD
September 14th, 2006 at 9:21 am
lol, this site’s pretty damn cool. just wanted to throw it in some of my friends who are eagles fans faces. Very cool, Philly sucks… McNabb blows, so over rated! if he wasn’t so sensitive they might still have T.O. and have a chance!!!
October 10th, 2006 at 10:28 am
Hey phily fans…. If you are happy with just making it to the playoffs, then by all mean, be happy. But it take a real team to get the job done. The E-a-g-l-e-s S-U-C-K and so do their fans. If you would like advice on how to win the big game, perhaps you should talk to a real team to get some advice. haha Phily teams as well as their fans suck…. get a real team!!! or in fact, get a team that can win .. period. Once again, if your happy just getting to the playoffs then you will never be a real team. Losers!
October 29th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
I hate the Eagles, I hope the lose every game from here on in :)
September 21st, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Im looking for some good Anti-Eagles pics…
love the web site…
check out the myspace
October 31st, 2007 at 7:59 pm
I’m from the Lone Star State and I honestly say the
October 31st, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Just wanted to tell all the “Philly Parrot” fans that they suck. Every year since my Cowboys lost their Superbowl runs they “talk” as if a Super Bowl win is a guarantee and what happens… They F…. Choke. Unlike Dallas we “Talk the Talk and Walk the Walk” How ’bout them Cowboys! Understand one thing no matter what happens we will always be better that is why we are “America’s Team”!
November 30th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Great site! I am a lifelong Cowboys fan and we Cowboys fans stick with our team through good and bad times (mostly good) and I HATE THE REDSKINS, EAGLES, AND THE GIANTS