Ladies and gentlemen, begin dumping!
As one slides away from the silliness of the Ivory Tower in both mind and body, it’s easy to forget how ridiculous academia can be. But once in a while, the kookiness that is America’s Universities and Collleges™ trickles out to the public—that is, the real world—so the real people with real jobs can laugh.
And so along comes the case of “gender-neutral” bathrooms at the University of Chicago. (What a magnet for weirdos that place is, but that’s another story altogether). It seems the seems the “transgender people” (read: the ones who just don’t know what the fuck they are) are uncomfortable with the idea of single-sex bathrooms. They want the facilities changed to accommodate their laughable sexual confusion. I can only imagine that these pathetic U of C sods (all 2 of them) had the following dialogue before presenting their demands to the administration:
Pat #1: “Soooo… what the fuck am I?”
Pat #2: “Um, you’re a guy, right? You had that operation.”
Pat #1: “Yeah, but I dunno. Lately I’ve been craving chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Doesn’t that disqualify me?”
Pat #2: “Hmm, good point. Then you’re a woman.”
Pat #1: “Yeah, but what about this new wang that set me back 5 grand? I saved up for this badboy.”
Pat #2: “That’s a good point. You really shouldn’t have to choose.”
Pat #1: “You know what? You’re right! I don’t know what the fuck I am, and why should I be constrained by our society’s ridiculous two-gender norm?”
Pat #2: “That’s right! Don’t decide! And don’t pick a bathroom—we’ll make everyone shit together!”
Pat #1: “Hey now, if that’s not a recipe for world peace, I don’t know what is!”
And to think—our society actually puts faith in these so-called “institutions of higher learning” to solve our problems. What a joke. Perhaps when they reflect the norms of their surrounding communities (yes, I’m borrowing the Supreme Court’s definition-of-pornography doctrine here), these places should get some public money. Until then, forget ‘em.