This entry will contain no hard facts, no statistics, no polls, none of that. It’s just my observations, and it will be short.
I don’t know how it feels to be a liberal, but from the high-pitched keening emanating all over the Net from the Left, it must feel terrible. Awful. Painful. Liberals are churning inside. We need a new social program to buy them a collective Pepcid AC. It’s sad, I tell you. I’m not mad at these Very Angry Liberals™—I pity them.
Can liberals laugh? I haven’t seen one able to kick back, relax, and down a cold beer in a while. Liberals today are absolutely tortured by a self-righteous assurance that they’re right, dammit, and no one’s listening to them. It’s giving them ulcers.
Well, with the Holiday Season (not the Christmas Season! The Left has trained me well!) right around the corner, remember a liberal. They’re hurting inside. It’s tough for ‘em. They want to cry. So if you see ragtag lefty with a bandanna on his head and a tear running down his cheek, give him a hug. Pat him on the shoulder. Give him a Jolly Rancher.
Because he’ll have 4 more after 2004, motherfucker.
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As one slides away from the silliness of the Ivory Tower in both mind and body, it’s easy to forget how ridiculous academia can be. But once in a while, the kookiness that is America’s Universities and Collleges™ trickles out to the public—that is, the real world—so the real people with real jobs can laugh.
And so along comes the case of “gender-neutral” bathrooms at the University of Chicago. (What a magnet for weirdos that place is, but that’s another story altogether). It seems the seems the “transgender people” (read: the ones who just don’t know what the fuck they are) are uncomfortable with the idea of single-sex bathrooms. They want the facilities changed to accommodate their laughable sexual confusion. I can only imagine that these pathetic U of C sods (all 2 of them) had the following dialogue before presenting their demands to the administration:
Pat #1: “Soooo… what the fuck am I?”
Pat #2: “Um, you’re a guy, right? You had that operation.”
Pat #1: “Yeah, but I dunno. Lately I’ve been craving chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Doesn’t that disqualify me?”
Pat #2: “Hmm, good point. Then you’re a woman.”
Pat #1: “Yeah, but what about this new wang that set me back 5 grand? I saved up for this badboy.”
Pat #2: “That’s a good point. You really shouldn’t have to choose.”
Pat #1: “You know what? You’re right! I don’t know what the fuck I am, and why should I be constrained by our society’s ridiculous two-gender norm?”
Pat #2: “That’s right! Don’t decide! And don’t pick a bathroom—we’ll make everyone shit together!”
Pat #1: “Hey now, if that’s not a recipe for world peace, I don’t know what is!”
And to think—our society actually puts faith in these so-called “institutions of higher learning” to solve our problems. What a joke. Perhaps when they reflect the norms of their surrounding communities (yes, I’m borrowing the Supreme Court’s definition-of-pornography doctrine here), these places should get some public money. Until then, forget ‘em.
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So desperate are the media to paint George W. Bush as stupid, they forget first to check the dictionary. In what must be one of the biggest non-stories I’ve ever seen printed, various newspapers are reporting that Bush misprounced “Nevada” while visiting Las Vegas.
Bush, in Las Vegas on Tuesday, repeatedly said Ne-vah-da. To properly pronounce Nevada, the middle syllable should rhyme with gamble.
Ya sure about that? I hear that pesky dictionary likes both “ne-vaa-duh” and neh-vah-duh.” (By the way, that’s an AP story I quoted from. I think we all know what a pathetic news organization that is. They can’t even get their headlines right.)
But I’ll tell you this: there is one, and only one, pronunciation of “Illinois”—and it does not involve “noise” at the end. When MC Hammer visited Champaign in 1991 and did not know that, he lost all credibility in my 10 year-old mind. It was not the parachute pants that did it; it was the mispronunciation.
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EU auditors could vouch for only 10 percent of the $120 billion the bloc spent in 2002. It was the ninth successive year the auditors were unable to certify the budget as a whole. [cite]
Lovely. Perhaps if the French had succeeded in preventing the American-led war in Iraq, they could have maintained their lucrative money laundering operation with Saddam Hussein through third-party states like the UAE. Then, Jacques would have taken the lead, balanced the EU’s budget, and bought air conditioners for every 86 year-old in the French countryside.
Alas. We went to war, the French went on vacation, and their elderly population baked to death in the summer heat. Can’t you spare change for those neo-Socialists across the Atlantic? Don’t you have a heart?
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Did I miss the memo? Since when does the (dreaded) holiday shopping season commence before Thanksgiving? The retailers rolled out their white lights, red bows, and green wreaths in glorious capitalistic synchrony, but all this before the turkey? And during an unseasonably warm November (before today, anyway, when I practically froze my balls off), the entire Christmas shopping spectacle put on by the retailers was laughable.
And by the way: We need a secular substitute for Christmas. The Jews conveniently propped up Chanukkah to work with the schedule, and a baker’s dozen of politically correct black academics celebrate Kwanzaa these days, but what about the people who don’t believe in sheeeit? Forget about Christmas; that’s for people who believe in Christ. We need to follow the shining path blazed by the Kwanzaa kooks and come up with a secular Christmas substitute.
(more…)
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In the last seven days (November 16-22), the week leading up to Michigan’s 35-21 victory over Ohio State in the 100th meeting between the two schools, my website received 263 hits to this entry as a result of the search query “I hate Michigan.”
Impressive, eh?
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