More sports? Oh yes, more sports!
Hello. I’m not football genius, but I have a recipe for turning around the Bears season:
- Acquire a new quarterback.
- Remind the offensive line to pass-block.
- Remind the defensive line to pass-rush.
- Remind the defensive line to stop the run.
- Inform R.W. McQuarters to stop allowing receivers to catch passes.
- Lock Paris Hilton in a South American prison for the remainder of the season so Brian Urlacher can concentrate on football.
- Show John Shoop game tape of the St. Louis Rams to convince him that passes are in fact permitted to travel more than 5 yards.
- Provide daily electroshock therapy to Dick Jauron with the goal of getting him to show an emotion.
- Clone Paul Edinger.
Need more evidence that Donovan McNabb is overrated and that the crusade against Rush Limbaugh was a laughable witch-hunt? Check out his line from today’s game against the Giants: 9/23 for 64 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT. That’s 2.78 yards/attempt, buddy. We’re talking John Shoop territory here.
Oh, and Warren Sapp is still a fat fuck. Others agree. Confidential to the Chunky-Legged One: Fewer Big Macs, fewer commercials, more tackles, more sacks. That’ll earn ya credibility.
And one more thing: someone chain Tim McCarver to a fence.