jotsheet

I’m trying my best not to play a role here in Bryn Athyn. That would be the easy thing to do. For whatever reason, I’m known here as a “straight shooter”—a term I’ve actually started to use self-deprectingly of late. I’m the guy who tells it like it is, no BS, with maybe a smidgen of rebel, don’t-give-a-shit thrown in. And some people like me for that, while others don’t so much. But overall, I’d say the reaction is positive.

I really don’t want to be one-dimensional, though. It’s too easy to pick up on how others view you and reinforce that view. I guess it’s a fine line to walk—I don’t necessarily want to act differently simply to counteract the stereotype, but I don’t want to be the stereotype either. Oh well. It’s human nature to categorize, generalize, pigeonhole, and all the rest. It makes human interaction more efficient.

Another thing I’ve noticed here in Bryn Athyn is that I don’t notice enough normally. People here think. They’re very aware of their lives: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s too easy to drift through this material life of ours drinking it in through our limited, inevitably eroding sensory experience. I think the people I know here look a little beyond that, and I like that, but it also forces me to look at inadequacies in my own life that I might otherwise comfortably ignore.

I could go on and on about those inadequacies, but I’ll share just one: I impute negative characteristics to those who intimidate me. If someone is better than me at something, or I’m envious of him/her, or a girl is just too good looking, I almost automatically assign negative qualities to the person to streamline the process of distancing myself from that intimidation and uncomfortableness. It may be emotionally efficient for me, but it’s ultimately weak and unfair to the other person. It’s not his/her fault, right?

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