i had better get some shit done
hm. i really need to get some work done. as a result of my stunningly unproductive Spring Break, i’ve got a lot of shit to do to prepare for my senior thesis. i need to read books and articles on the Men’s Movement, solidify things with Grant, get my shit together for the IRB proposal, talk to College Scholars, etc., etc., etc. i hate it when i have work hanging over my head — it makes it hard to enjoy anything at all.
i had a nice long conversation with Diana last night, an ex-gf from high school. sounds like she’s doing ok, but not great. it seems like she’s changed in some ways since high school, and in others, she’s very much the same. hm, well i guess that’s an extraordinarily bland thing to say, because it could probably be applied to all of us. anyhow, we’ve got a date (no, not that kind of date) set for this summer, and she sounds excited about it. here’s to hoping she has some fun in the meantime.
yesterday, i went to my last class, Research Design with Helen Schwartzmann. this class is exactly what i need right now. it’ll get me on track with the IRB shit, and it’ll force me to become acquainted with the relevant literature. i’m actually pretty impressed with how the sequence of the requirements for the anthro major has addressed my concerns in writing this thesis. it’s helped a lot.
and oh yeah, i’m campaign manager for Benny Boy’s run for Executive Vice-President (EVP) of Associated Student Government. on the one hand, i really hate to lose; on the other, i’m pretty clueless, and i’m also feeling lazy. good thing he’s also enlisted the help of that Dick Vitale-ish bundle of energy, Priyanka, to be his other campaign manager.
as i told Ben yesterday, “i need to know everything about our competitors. i’m going to destroy them.” i’m not sure what that means, but it seems appropriately ferocious for a political campaign. oh well, it’s only ASG (ha).
an insight
i was just sitting here in front of the computer this morning and i had something of an insight. so i thought i had better get it written down somewhere.
i have a bad habit of picking fights. especially with people i talk to online, there’s usually kind of a happy-go-lucky period of good conversation at the beginning, then a lull, and then i pick a fight. or maybe i don’t pick one, but i certainly don’t try to prevent it from happening. i think i know why i do this: i want to feel like someone cares. a fight brings out people’s emotions. it makes them (potentially) be more honest and “raw” in their interaction. i think that i might use fights as a way of trying to elicit reassurance that people like me. it’s twisted, i know.
two things can result from a fight: 1) i can make up with the person and in so doing get some sort of reassurance about how i’m liked, or 2) i can lose the person as a friend. in the case of 2), i then have free reign to write the person off in my mind and say i never gave a fuck about them. in this way, i’m able to detach myself from feeling anxiety about whether the person likes me or not.
this is one of those times that i wish i had a little feature in my blog so you could make comments. oh well. you’ll have to IM me.
keeping up with the Jones’s, plus a bit about partying
dinner with the Jones family was quite entertaining. although i’m sure it sounds like i’m patting myself on the back, i think i was in pretty sharp form tonight with my commentary. nickd lost miserably. Mary’s parents just wanted to sit back and observe us, i think, and perhaps draw some conclusions later on. i’m not sure. i remarked during dinner that i felt like we were in an observation chamber and Mary’s mom was watching us through one-way glass and making notes.
Mary’s youngest siblings, Jordan and Zach (Zack?), were cute little things and quite easily amused by a rubber superball. they named it “Peter,” possibly because of their Biblical training. who knows. Julia (13) seemed like a bit of an attention-hogging prima donna, but Margaret (17) was a dear. i really was quite taken with her (shhh). i think it’s particularly cute how the Jones kids know all about pop culture, and yet live in a sheltered Mormon bubble (no R-rated movies, Mary!). it’s quirky.
went to a coupla parties tonight with Ben and Priyanka (the EVP campaign crew, incidentally). the first was an Indian party. now i’m not gonna lie to you — i thought it was kinda strange. i mean, not totally, but the music? imagine that Hindu chanting stuff over Busta Rhymes beats or “who let the dogs out?” no, i’m being serious. Ben was in heaven, given his penchant for South Asian girls, while i was pretty much indifferent. i was too damn full from dinner to drink much. Ben, on the other hand, threw back about 11 cold ones. well done, young squire.
welp, the ol’ EPD came and broke up the party, so we strolled down to 809 Foster for the Phi Delt party. now that party typified the NU Greek scene (and maybe NU in general), in my opinion. it’s hard to describe, and the only way i can think of how to do it is by listing characteristics. here goes: boot-cut jeans; straight, shiny hair for girls; curly, unkempt hair for guys; cigarettes; MGD; weed; a little bit of acne; dirty kitchens; expensive cell phones; old baseball caps; A&F clothes; fake-happy greetings; vacations in Vail; polisci/econ majors.
did that make sense at all? it was the best i could do. i don’t fit in with that group. when i’m around them, i put this self-assured smirk on my face, stick my nose up in the air a bit, and walk around thinking i’m hot shit. i guess it’s effective. hey, maybe it even helps me fit in. somehow, the whole thing smells of old money and undisciplined kids.
and on the topic of partying in general: i think i’m just going to take it easy. it really isn’t attractive anymore to me to get sick-drunk. i’d rather have a few beers and loosen up a bit. i don’t like waking up feeling like shit. i don’t like drinking when i’m overly full. i just want things to be chill.